Laos – Part 2:
Oudomxay: The
morning I left Phongsali I noticed offerings of incense, rice and a plant
placed on the front of the bus, and God knows we needed it! Our bus shook violently,
people were throwing up into plastic bags and we were all covered in a thin
layer of dust - previous black hair turned grey! I wore a dust mask the whole
way while listening to the people either retching or hacking a constant bottomless
supply of phlegm while a chicken underneath a seat was clucking away nervously.
Reaching Oudomxay I booked into a 50 000Kip hotel and had a long shower to try
and get rid of all the dust. Other than a few shops, markets, travel agents and
temples, Oudomxay didn’t have much to offer. I walked around the town and
quickly ticked off the limited things to see. I still didn’t feel 100% from the
bug I picked up in Phongsali and sat down for dinner of fried rice and fries
(potatoes is a rarity on most menus). 
The next morning the “Phongsali bug” came
back with a vengeance. I had to abort my breakfast and rush to my hotel room
where things deteriorated fast. While in my stuffy room I experienced probably
the worse diarrhea of my life. My visits to the toilet drastically increased up
to the point where I was actually getting worried losing lots of fluids and not
able to drink any water. It was only at 10am the next morning that I felt
slightly better and decided to chance the 5 hr journey to Luang Prabang. I was
an empty vessel and thought it safe to travel. Just to make sure though I
bought anti-diarrhea tablets from a pharmacy, dry bread from a street vendor
and crossed my fingers…
Luang Prabang: I
was lucky as the anti-diarrhea tablets did the trick for my journey. Things
could have gotten messy as most bus drivers don’t stop! My 5 hr journey indeed
felt like 12 but even so, I was lucky to have made it there with no further
stomach issues. My 2nd visit to Luang Prabang was not really a
memorable one. I was tired, weak and grumpy as hell, especially after having
possibly receiving the worst haircut of my life from the day before. I drew 3
pictures showing exactly what I did want and DIDN’T want and still the woman
was perfect in cutting my hair exactly the way I didn’t want her to. I only
stayed for the night before leaving on the first available bus to Phonsavan. 
Phonsavan: Our supposed 6 hour bus from
Luang Prabang actually took 9 hours due to our 13-seater bus being overloaded
with 14 people. I drew the short straw having to sit with one bum cheek on a
seat and the other in free air. I found a cheap hotel for 30 000 Kip although
got what I paid for. My room was decorated with bright pink linen and equally
pink mosquito net! On my 1st night in town I saw an “illegal” movie
in a pub displaying the illegal war where American heavily bombed the area. I
never knew about the Secret War in Laos and felt slightly disturbed after.
Apparently during the years of 1963 to 1973, over two million bombs were
dropped in the Phonsavan area, equating to 1 bomb every 10 minutes! Many of
those were cluster bombs used to try and destroy the Ho Chi Minh Trail although
it is estimated that 30% of bombs never exploded. That left the countryside
with many UXO’s(Unexploded Ordinances) while innocent people, especially
farmers, lost their lives almost daily. Click here for more information: Laos
Secret War. 
The next day I rented a scooter to see the surroundings. At
first I visited the bomb craters of Ban Khai which were so big they made my
little scooter look small. Even after so many years the craters were still
clearly visible - a stark reminder of all the unnecessary lives lost. From there
I drove to visit “Site 1” to see the Plain of Jars and being a photograph
enthusiast, I happily snapped away. Many of the jars date back to the Iron Age
between 500BCE to 500CE and are believed to have been used for funeral burials.
Unfortunately, many were damaged due to the American bombings. To read more
click on this link: Plain of Jars. 
From
there I drove to “Site 2” and got a flat tire along the way. It took 20 000 Kip
and a new tire later before I could be on my way again driving down a dirt road
which was in such dire condition, I was wondering if the US was indeed still
bombing the roads with their cluster bombs! “Site 2” was located on a hill in
between trees, although not as impressive as “Site 1”. On my way to “Site 3” I
got another damn flat tire and had to push my scooter for 2 km’s to get the
tire fixed yet again! What happened was that a spoke rattled loose and punched
a hole in the new tire I bought previously. I decided not to tempt fate and
called it a day, luckily not getting a 3rd flat tire on my way back
to town.
The rest of my time I spent visiting the market, relaxing
and catching up on my blog while sitting in Craters Bar which was decorated
with old bomb shells and other UXO’s. The market was interesting to visit and I
saw vendors selling pigs in “blankets” which were actually tapered woven
baskets. I felt sorry for them as they couldn’t move at all and didn’t get any
water or food while lying outside in the hot sun. Other than that I saw live
eels, frogs, fish, crabs and many other writhing things while some women sold
herbs, bark, berries, fruit and meat including various wild cats and other
furry things.
One particular animal looked like a cross between a porcupine and
a very large rat – I could only guess what it was. There was also rice, woven
bamboo baskets, machetes, cutlery, pots and pans, cheap Chinese clothing,
cosmetics, toiletries and much more. Some stalls sold food like rice noodle soup
or strong black Lao coffee. I learned a lot during my time in Phonsavan
although it was time to move on and meet up with friends in Vang Vienne.
Vang Vienne: I
both loved and hated Vang Vienne. I loved it because of the beautiful
countryside with towering karst mountains, caves, waterfalls, rice fields, river,
lush vegetation and of course rock climbing. On the other hand, I hated it
because it brought out the ugly side of many people caused by alcohol and drug
abuse. It was fairly common to see people throwing up in the streets and girls
walked around town clad in only bikinis which was the ultimate “FU” to a
conservative Buddhist country. One evening while having dinner, a group of guys
next to our table played poker with porno cards which left nothing for the
imagination. During their alcohol and marijuana induced game a drunken foreign
guy in the street was shouting insults at the locals and proceeded to pee
himself, still holding hands with his equally drunk girlfriend, too drunk to
notice he was even doing so! That was just another day in Vang Vienne. Even so,
I had to go tubing at least once because what the heck, when in Rome… 
We hired tubes from a small corner shop which would be
better labeled “tube mafia” (if they were honest). Tubing is big money in Vang
Vienne and the locals are very effective at ripping you off complete with a
smile, knowing full well that most revelers would either lose their tubes, or
not make the deadline which results in a hefty penalty charge. Even though I
knew I was getting shafted I boarded a minivan with a group of other
enthusiastic people, ready to have a good time. We were greeted at the first
bar with a shot of whiskey and free bracelet, while around me chaos
reigned…
”Sober” was definitely not a word found in the tubing dictionary and
for the short while I was still coherent I witnessed and remembered a few
things: a swaying mob of drunken revelers dancing to loud party music, beer
pong and drinking competitions and a group of girls lying on their stomachs
while downing a bucket. Some girls even flashed their boobs while other kissed
each other to be rewarded with a free bucket. A few tubes floated downstream
which triggered “rope rockets” attached to “bar vultures” dragging in new
customers. The sky was decorated with new found acrobats swinging from the many
slides and hitting the water in a messy tangle of twisted limbs – usually as
graceful as a baby giraffe. It wasn’t long though before the alcohol erased
both my coherency and memory… 
If the amount of fun I had the previous day was indirectly
proportional to my hangover the next day it would mean that I had a very good
time. I needed to clear my head as the sun that day was extra bright; sounds
were extra loud while things around me moved very slowly. With such beautiful
surroundings I decided to go for a walk with no particular destination in mind.
I didn’t get far up the dusty road before a friendly local on a scooter
persisted on giving me a lift. At the time I had no idea where he wanted to
take me although it seemed like he knew where he was going. 
We bumped along the
gravel road dodging rocks, chickens, dogs, cows and duck when my free taxi
suddenly stopped and pointed out a sign which was for the Blue Lagoon.
Rewarding my friendly bike rider with a warm smile and a handshake I took off. The
Blue Lagoon was a nice place to hang out. A cool crystal clear stream ran next
to the mountain with nice picnic spots. A large tree offered good entertainment
supplying a swing or high platform for people to jump from. I saw signs for the
Buddha Cave where I ignored the tour guides and explored the cave by myself. There
was no need for the “compulsory” guide and all I needed was my own torch and to
avoid falling down many of the deep caverns.
After my visit the Blue Lagoon I hiked back along the foot
of the mountain, entering random caves along the way. As many of them seemed
eager to swallow me whole for eternity I decided to turn back after almost 10
minutes of darkness. As it was over 40 degrees Celsius and I ran out of water I
didn’t want to push my luck. Even so, I couldn’t resist climbing up an old
bamboo “ladder” which went up for around 60m and stopped at a cave. The cave I
found was covered in bat droppings and upon stepping onto it I sank ankle deep,
deciding it was a better option to turn around and climb back down. The next
day I hired a scooter and drove to see the waterfall and surrounding
countryside. Yet again I was left very disappointed while staring at a small trickle
of water falling down a low cliff while mentally comparing it to the mighty
Iguazu Falls. Seeing the beautiful countryside surrounding Vang Vienne at least
made up for what the waterfall wasn’t.
Like so many other times before I bumped into a couple of
friendly faces. One of them was Alexandre, a high-energy French guy who I met
on the slow boat. He introduced me to a girl called Jeanette who was, like me,
also looking for a climbing buddy. We decided to climb together which I was
eager to do as it had been a long time since Thailand. I was also very excited
for the next day as my old climbing buddy, Charlotte, was going to meet up with
me making our climbing party a trio. When we finally made it to the rock I
discovered muscles I had forgotten about while sweating my way to the top. Even
so, it was nice doing physical exercise again! While climbing we met Nate, who
was with one of the outfitters learning how to climb. He was keen to learn more
and we were more than willing to show him the ropes (literally). Thus, our
party became four! We had another day of climbing before I left for Vientiane
to get my visa extended. The rest of our group was joining me a day later. 
Following our dinner we got a taxi to a local nightclub
where it was time for partying. The music was pretty good and as we’ve been
drinking since early afternoon were dancing away with not a care in the world.
We were all dressed in shorts, T-shirts and flip flops where the locals were
dressed to impress. At one point I needed to go to the little boy’s room. I
walked over to one of the urinals and was just about to start when I felt two
strong hands on my shoulders. Thinking that someone was going to beat me up I froze
on the spot when all of a sudden I felt the hands starting to massage my
shoulders. Looking over my shoulder I spotted a man with a towel over his
shoulder continuing massaging my shoulders as if it was the most natural thing
in the world. It took a while for my stage fright to disappear and my inner
valves to open. Later, while speaking to our Lao friend, he explained that it
is a common thing in most night clubs. At least the guy didn’t offer a “happy
ending”! After the night club we found a late night store selling alcohol and
continued partying until very late, or very early whatever way you look at it.
The next day I had to say good bye to Dine, Alexandre and Bill
and hello to again to Charlotte, Jeanette and Nate. We didn’t waste much time
in Vientiane and decided to head to Tha Khaek for rock climbing. An overeager
tuk tuk rider tried to load 4 of us with our entire luggage into his small tuk
tuk. There was no way we were going to make it all the way to the bus station,
especially as his front wheel lifted off the ground every heart stopping moment
he either took off or rounded a sharp bend. Suddenly something snapped at which
point our tuk tuk our driver finally admitted defeat and hailed another larger tuk
tuk van where we were yet again sardined into the back with a bunch of amused
locals. We all breathed a sigh of relief when we finally made it to the bus
station!
Tha Khaek: Our
main purpose of going to Tha Khaek was to go climbing at a much talked about
place called Green Climbers Home, run by a friendly German couple called Uli
and Tanja. Getting back on the rock was a nice escape from the hectic party
atmosphere we experienced while in Vang Vienne. Our group consisted of four
eager climbers: Charlotte, Jeanette, Nate and I. Green Climbers Home was everything
and more of what I expected. The stilted wooden huts stood in a valley
surrounded by high ragged limestone mountains with the large
restaurant/kitchen/chilling out area in the middle. That was where we spent a
lot of time either laying on comfy pillows or playing cards or darts while
sipping a fresh fruit shake, coffee, cold beer or savoring a tasty dish
prepared in their kitchen. It offered a warm atmosphere and was also a good
spot for meeting fellow climbers, most of whom I found friendly and quick to
smile – I just love the camaraderie of the climbing community. 
We didn’t waste any time getting back on the rock which
proved frustrating at first. After almost two months of not climbing properly,
I found that I had lost a lot of strength and stamina, making even the easy
routes difficult at times. I learnt a few funny words while there, one of them
being “hang dogging” which is when you climb from clip to clip, resting at
each: clip quick draw, clip rope, TAKE!, etc. I have to admit that I was doing
quite a bit of that in the beginning to get back on my feet (or should I say
rock). The other words were “tronsight” which is when you successfully complete
a top rope onsight and “trash” which is a top rope flash. We had many good
times climbing together and it was especially nice seeing Nate progress from a
top rope novice to building up his courage and leading for the first time. Rock
climbing is a tremendous mental game and it can take some people a long time to
build their courage to finally lead for the first time. 
Some people might mistake climbers for being high on mushrooms or other chemicals as many might have a euphoric expression on their faces while staring at the rock doing funny hand movements. When I started climbing I always wondered what the hell was wrong with these people but quickly came to learn that they were in fact mentally climbing a route and working out the moves. Outsiders might also ask the question: “why do these crazy people get up early in the morning only to come back in the evening with bruises and bleeding”? The answer is simple, because it is great!!! Rock climbing is challenging both physically and mentally and you are a part of the climbing community. We indulged ourselves in climbing and doing just that all day long while talking about climbing in the evening.
One day we were all pleasantly surprised to learn that Green
Climbers Home were hosting their “official” opening ceremony. Monks blessed the
place while party eager locals did the celebrating after. We were all invited
to join which meant free food and drinks and as it was my rest day I was ready!
When the monks finally came they were sat on a raised platform while we sat on
the ground as a sign of respect. In front of them were laid out plates of food,
non-alcoholic drinks and cigarettes. Soon, the monks started chanting which was
mesmerizing. It sounded a little like funky Asian rap where different monks
would join the chanting adding different rhythms and tones at various
intervals, spicing up the tunes. Next up was the blessing of the premises where
a monk walked around sprinkling water on the buildings using a sprig. While he
was doing so the kneeling locals participated in tying white bracelets around
people’s wrists, making a wish of good luck for their future, marriage or
business. We had to keep the bracelets on for 3 days to insure good luck. It is
a nice tradition and quite moving when a kind stranger approaches you wishing
you good luck for the future. 
After that it was time to party! There were tables full of
food while “Tiger beer girls” with very short skirts kept our glassed filled
with free beer – brilliant! It was the best rest day ever! Many of the climbers
who had good intentions to climb that afternoon succumbed to the free beer and
joined in with dancing and singing karaoke. At one point a group of local
ladies performed a unique type of Lao line-dance which poor Tanja was dragged
into, struggling to keep up with the rhythm. One of the organizers were gravely
mistaken that the beer would see us through the whole night - he had obviously
never met climbers before! When the locals eventually left we continued to
party until late that night. At one point, various drunken revelers decided it
made sense to do “table bouldering” which resulted in not only sore heads but
also sore and bruised muscles the next day. 
Many other fun and interesting things happened while at
Green Climbers Home. First of all there were Fredrick and Patrick who were not
only friendly guys, they end up becoming good friends of mine. They came to Tha
Khaek to set up a high line – Fredrick doing the walking and Patrick doing the
photography. I was amazed by the height and distance to which they set their
high line up which proved a fait accompli. Then came
the day when, as if destined, a guitarist, sound engineer and eager creative
climbers decided to create a music video. Camilla was the brain behind the lyrics
and chords while we got creative creating sounds with various climbing gear.
While Camilla was singing we popped up in the background like inquisitive
meerkats either clicking or shaking our quickdraws. The grand finale happened
near the end when Uli rappelled down from the ceiling while holding a Green
Climbers Home sign. It caused a lot of laughter and a fun video clip which can
be viewed on YouTube: Learning
to rock climb. 
I had a lot of fun and many memorable days spent at Green
Climbers Home. At the end of the day, it is the people who either make or break
the trip. I was lucky to have made many new friends who I will miss very much.
I will remember Jeanette for her sharp wit and cheeky smile, Nate for “shooting
the freak” and for seeing the joy on his face after leading his first 6A. Then
there were Mike who was built like a brick sh*t house and who climbed upside
down putting monkeys to shame while his friend Lukas took amazing photographs
(here is his website: Lukas
Barth Photography). Llewis and Muriel, a friendly and enthusiastic couple
from Spain, were great to have around. Nina I remember for her passion for
climbing and screaming her way up a difficult crux. I will remember Camilla for
her creative guitar playing and her boyfriend Andreas for the day we climbed a
multi-pitch taking in the beautiful view from the top. Fredrick I will remember
for enthusiastically participating in table bouldering with the agility of a
hungry toilet gecko, while I will remember Patrick for his warm smile and for
being kind, gentle and a great photographer. Last but not least, my much loved
climbing buddy Charlotte. Her blue “no boob touching” cup amused a lot of
people while her quick smile won many friendships. 
Saying good bye to Charlotte, Fredrick, Patrick and Jeanette
when we finally parted at the bus station was a very sad day for me. It was
made more dramatic as I knew that there was a possibility that I might never
see some of them again. It is not every
day that one gets to meet a whole group of people who you would consider
friends for life. I tried my best that day to hide my feelings but in truth, I
was very sad. When my travels are over and I’ve settled, my door will be open
to many great people I’ve met along the way and I truly hope that I will see
their friendly faces again. My bus journey from Tha Khaek to Pakse was as long
as my face.
My bus was stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey leaving no
room for me to sit. I was forced to sit in the isle on a small plastic chair
while our bus was as hot as an oven. Every now and then I had to move to allow
people from the back to get off while the bus stopped often to allow more people
on what I thought was an already overcrowded bus. No matter how full our bus
was there was always space for one more. And a chicken of course! Next to me a woman
tried to make conversation in her broken English. I showed her some of my
travelling pictures to pass time after which she insisted I get off with her at
a random stop way before we reached Pakse. I politely declined but was left wondering
what her intentions were.
Pakse: Reaching Pakse we were inconveniently dropped off
about 1km outside of town. It was an obvious scam where they tried to force us
to pay inflated tourist prices to go back to town. I met a very friendly French
cloth trader. He knew the same trick as me which was to shake our heads and
walk away. That quickly got the price down to a standard price. I met up again
with him the next day for a few beers while he told me interesting stories about
Asian culture like saving face, demoralizing Thai soaps portraying shorter and
darker Asians as lower class and the dealing of small Buddha amulets/necklaces
which, even though a hoax, many people take very seriously. My main reason for
stopping in Pakse was to travel the Bolevan Plateau by motorbike.
Bolevan Plateau
motorbike trip: I wrote this as a separate blog. Here is the link:
http://lerouxcraven.blogspot.com/2012/07/bolevan-plateau-motorbike-trip-report.html.
After completing my 4 day trip I left for Don Det.
Si Phan Don/Don Det (4
Thousand Islands): I left Pakse the next day in a minivan heading to Don
Det, more commonly known as Four Thousand Islands. I had heard so many good
reviews from various travelers while touring SE Asia and I was excited to get
there. We were dropped off on the mainland and had to get a longtail boat to
transport us to Don Det where I found a cheap bamboo bungalow complete with
hammock, mosquito net and fan. It was a good place to do nothing at all while
watching the locals drive by on their boats from the safe vantage point of my
hammock. Every now and then I participated in the strenuous activity of leaving
my hammock to either go to the toilet or walk to a restaurant to eat. I could
only do nothing for so long so decided to book a kayaking trip to see
waterfalls and the endangered Irrawaddy dolphins. It proved to be a fun day and
good value for money though because I burned up too many calories, I had to return
to my hammock to recuperate!
The most memorable day I spent in Don Det was when I was
invited to see a cock fighting event. Even though cock fighting is illegal in
Laos, many people still participate as it means big bucks. Personally, I don’t
agree with the sport but as the event was already set in concrete I decided to
see it for myself. One of the participants asked me to drive him and his big
cock to the arena. I drove his scooter while he was holding his agitated cock
behind me. Reaching the arena I could see many other locals holding their
cocks, sometimes even stroking each other’s cocks to judge the size and weight
– making sure it was an even match. When the match finally started we were sitting
on tiered wooden benches egging on the chickens inside. Every time a cock would
strike a hard hit the locals would shout: “Whey!” which was most of the time.
The atmosphere was electric and I couldn’t help but laugh at their antics. 
Suddenly a clock sounded indicating a break. The cocks were
collected and two guys who were all business washed the cocks removing any
blood and dirt. A black cast iron plate sat atop a fire which was used to heat
up a wet rag to rub down the cocks. Apparently it is on par with having a
massage, relaxing the muscles and also sealing any cuts. While the guys were
rubbing and washing the other guys cocks another fight took place. There was
also a local cock doctor I dubbed Getafix (as in the Astrix cartoon books) who
had what looked like magic potions. He mixed a few elixirs which was then fed
to one of the cocks with a elongated spoon. It was an all day event and I saw a
couple of drunken locals fall over due to over indulgence - I also had a few
beers but nothing compared to the rest! I’ve always been under the impression
that the cocks fight until the end but was relieved to see it wasn’t so. In reality,
what happened was that at some point one of the roosters would admit defeat by
slumping its shoulders and hanging its head. That was the point where the
locals would cheer and indicate the winner. Even though my guy’s big cock had a
massive repetitive hammering, it won its fight leaving him a much richer and
happier man!
And so my Laos experience comes to an end. Again, I
originally planned to only stay a month although that became 2 and a half! One
thing I came to realize was that Laos can’t be rushed. The north was a gem
offering unique hill tribe trekking and homestays while the south was a good
place to chill. Tha Khaek was a good place to either do rock climbing or see
the Buddha Cave, Water Cave or the impressive Kong Lo Cave. Out of all the
countries in SE Asia, Laos was my favorite. Even though many people were poor,
they always smiled and portrayed a friendliness which left me dumbstruck
especially with so many hardships endured. Sometimes we as foreigners take what
we’ve got for granted, complaining about mundane things while the hardy people
of Laos lug around absurd weights on their back defying all western health and
safety standards as an accepted everyday chore. I realized how much I had to be
grateful for and love the Laos people all the more for offering their warm
smiles and hospitability. To anyone visiting Laos, get off the beaten path and
be prepared to fall in love with the wonderful country.
Plain of Jars - Site 2.
Pigs in "blankets" aka tapered bamboo baskets.
Ducks in bags in Phonsavan Market.
Girls having a good time in Vang Vienne.
The party crowd while they could still stand in Vang Vienne.
Green Climbers Home at night
Chilling out at Green Climbers Home.
My fingers after a couple of days.
The Water Cave in Tha Khaek.
Chair bouldering!
Me trying not to laugh while playing guitar and harmonica while Juho played his funny nose flute.
My bungalow in Don Det.
Too many the night before? Sprawled out cat in Don Det
Kids having fun in Don Det.
Driving the owner and his large cock to the cock fighting competition.
