Le Roux's Travels: Laos

Laos – Part 2:

Oudomxay: The morning I left Phongsali I noticed offerings of incense, rice and a plant placed on the front of the bus, and God knows we needed it! Our bus shook violently, people were throwing up into plastic bags and we were all covered in a thin layer of dust - previous black hair turned grey! I wore a dust mask the whole way while listening to the people either retching or hacking a constant bottomless supply of phlegm while a chicken underneath a seat was clucking away nervously. Reaching Oudomxay I booked into a 50 000Kip hotel and had a long shower to try and get rid of all the dust. Other than a few shops, markets, travel agents and temples, Oudomxay didn’t have much to offer. I walked around the town and quickly ticked off the limited things to see. I still didn’t feel 100% from the bug I picked up in Phongsali and sat down for dinner of fried rice and fries (potatoes is a rarity on most menus).

The next morning the “Phongsali bug” came back with a vengeance. I had to abort my breakfast and rush to my hotel room where things deteriorated fast. While in my stuffy room I experienced probably the worse diarrhea of my life. My visits to the toilet drastically increased up to the point where I was actually getting worried losing lots of fluids and not able to drink any water. It was only at 10am the next morning that I felt slightly better and decided to chance the 5 hr journey to Luang Prabang. I was an empty vessel and thought it safe to travel. Just to make sure though I bought anti-diarrhea tablets from a pharmacy, dry bread from a street vendor and crossed my fingers…

Luang Prabang: I was lucky as the anti-diarrhea tablets did the trick for my journey. Things could have gotten messy as most bus drivers don’t stop! My 5 hr journey indeed felt like 12 but even so, I was lucky to have made it there with no further stomach issues. My 2^nd visit to Luang Prabang was not really a memorable one. I was tired, weak and grumpy as hell, especially after having possibly receiving the worst haircut of my life from the day before. I drew 3 pictures showing exactly what I did want and DIDN’T want and still the woman was perfect in cutting my hair exactly the way I didn’t want her to. I only stayed for the night before leaving on the first available bus to Phonsavan.

Phonsavan: Our supposed 6 hour bus from Luang Prabang actually took 9 hours due to our 13-seater bus being overloaded with 14 people. I drew the short straw having to sit with one bum cheek on a seat and the other in free air. I found a cheap hotel for 30 000 Kip although got what I paid for. My room was decorated with bright pink linen and equally pink mosquito net! On my 1^st night in town I saw an “illegal” movie in a pub displaying the illegal war where American heavily bombed the area. I never knew about the Secret War in Laos and felt slightly disturbed after. Apparently during the years of 1963 to 1973, over two million bombs were dropped in the Phonsavan area, equating to 1 bomb every 10 minutes! Many of those were cluster bombs used to try and destroy the Ho Chi Minh Trail although it is estimated that 30% of bombs never exploded. That left the countryside with many UXO’s(Unexploded Ordinances) while innocent people, especially farmers, lost their lives almost daily. Click here for more information: Laos Secret War.

The next day I rented a scooter to see the surroundings. At first I visited the bomb craters of Ban Khai which were so big they made my little scooter look small. Even after so many years the craters were still clearly visible - a stark reminder of all the unnecessary lives lost. From there I drove to visit “Site 1” to see the Plain of Jars and being a photograph enthusiast, I happily snapped away. Many of the jars date back to the Iron Age between 500BCE to 500CE and are believed to have been used for funeral burials. Unfortunately, many were damaged due to the American bombings. To read more click on this link: Plain of Jars.

From there I drove to “Site 2” and got a flat tire along the way. It took 20 000 Kip and a new tire later before I could be on my way again driving down a dirt road which was in such dire condition, I was wondering if the US was indeed still bombing the roads with their cluster bombs! “Site 2” was located on a hill in between trees, although not as impressive as “Site 1”. On my way to “Site 3” I got another damn flat tire and had to push my scooter for 2 km’s to get the tire fixed yet again! What happened was that a spoke rattled loose and punched a hole in the new tire I bought previously. I decided not to tempt fate and called it a day, luckily not getting a 3^rd flat tire on my way back to town.

The rest of my time I spent visiting the market, relaxing and catching up on my blog while sitting in Craters Bar which was decorated with old bomb shells and other UXO’s. The market was interesting to visit and I saw vendors selling pigs in “blankets” which were actually tapered woven baskets. I felt sorry for them as they couldn’t move at all and didn’t get any water or food while lying outside in the hot sun. Other than that I saw live eels, frogs, fish, crabs and many other writhing things while some women sold herbs, bark, berries, fruit and meat including various wild cats and other furry things.

One particular animal looked like a cross between a porcupine and a very large rat – I could only guess what it was. There was also rice, woven bamboo baskets, machetes, cutlery, pots and pans, cheap Chinese clothing, cosmetics, toiletries and much more. Some stalls sold food like rice noodle soup or strong black Lao coffee. I learned a lot during my time in Phonsavan although it was time to move on and meet up with friends in Vang Vienne.

Vang Vienne: I both loved and hated Vang Vienne. I loved it because of the beautiful countryside with towering karst mountains, caves, waterfalls, rice fields, river, lush vegetation and of course rock climbing. On the other hand, I hated it because it brought out the ugly side of many people caused by alcohol and drug abuse. It was fairly common to see people throwing up in the streets and girls walked around town clad in only bikinis which was the ultimate “FU” to a conservative Buddhist country. One evening while having dinner, a group of guys next to our table played poker with porno cards which left nothing for the imagination. During their alcohol and marijuana induced game a drunken foreign guy in the street was shouting insults at the locals and proceeded to pee himself, still holding hands with his equally drunk girlfriend, too drunk to notice he was even doing so! That was just another day in Vang Vienne. Even so, I had to go tubing at least once because what the heck, when in Rome…

We hired tubes from a small corner shop which would be better labeled “tube mafia” (if they were honest). Tubing is big money in Vang Vienne and the locals are very effective at ripping you off complete with a smile, knowing full well that most revelers would either lose their tubes, or not make the deadline which results in a hefty penalty charge. Even though I knew I was getting shafted I boarded a minivan with a group of other enthusiastic people, ready to have a good time. We were greeted at the first bar with a shot of whiskey and free bracelet, while around me chaos reigned…

”Sober” was definitely not a word found in the tubing dictionary and for the short while I was still coherent I witnessed and remembered a few things: a swaying mob of drunken revelers dancing to loud party music, beer pong and drinking competitions and a group of girls lying on their stomachs while downing a bucket. Some girls even flashed their boobs while other kissed each other to be rewarded with a free bucket. A few tubes floated downstream which triggered “rope rockets” attached to “bar vultures” dragging in new customers. The sky was decorated with new found acrobats swinging from the many slides and hitting the water in a messy tangle of twisted limbs – usually as graceful as a baby giraffe. It wasn’t long though before the alcohol erased both my coherency and memory…

If the amount of fun I had the previous day was indirectly proportional to my hangover the next day it would mean that I had a very good time. I needed to clear my head as the sun that day was extra bright; sounds were extra loud while things around me moved very slowly. With such beautiful surroundings I decided to go for a walk with no particular destination in mind. I didn’t get far up the dusty road before a friendly local on a scooter persisted on giving me a lift. At the time I had no idea where he wanted to take me although it seemed like he knew where he was going.

We bumped along the gravel road dodging rocks, chickens, dogs, cows and duck when my free taxi suddenly stopped and pointed out a sign which was for the Blue Lagoon. Rewarding my friendly bike rider with a warm smile and a handshake I took off. The Blue Lagoon was a nice place to hang out. A cool crystal clear stream ran next to the mountain with nice picnic spots. A large tree offered good entertainment supplying a swing or high platform for people to jump from. I saw signs for the Buddha Cave where I ignored the tour guides and explored the cave by myself. There was no need for the “compulsory” guide and all I needed was my own torch and to avoid falling down many of the deep caverns.

After my visit the Blue Lagoon I hiked back along the foot of the mountain, entering random caves along the way. As many of them seemed eager to swallow me whole for eternity I decided to turn back after almost 10 minutes of darkness. As it was over 40 degrees Celsius and I ran out of water I didn’t want to push my luck. Even so, I couldn’t resist climbing up an old bamboo “ladder” which went up for around 60m and stopped at a cave. The cave I found was covered in bat droppings and upon stepping onto it I sank ankle deep, deciding it was a better option to turn around and climb back down. The next day I hired a scooter and drove to see the waterfall and surrounding countryside. Yet again I was left very disappointed while staring at a small trickle of water falling down a low cliff while mentally comparing it to the mighty Iguazu Falls. Seeing the beautiful countryside surrounding Vang Vienne at least made up for what the waterfall wasn’t.

Like so many other times before I bumped into a couple of friendly faces. One of them was Alexandre, a high-energy French guy who I met on the slow boat. He introduced me to a girl called Jeanette who was, like me, also looking for a climbing buddy. We decided to climb together which I was eager to do as it had been a long time since Thailand. I was also very excited for the next day as my old climbing buddy, Charlotte, was going to meet up with me making our climbing party a trio. When we finally made it to the rock I discovered muscles I had forgotten about while sweating my way to the top. Even so, it was nice doing physical exercise again! While climbing we met Nate, who was with one of the outfitters learning how to climb. He was keen to learn more and we were more than willing to show him the ropes (literally). Thus, our party became four! We had another day of climbing before I left for Vientiane to get my visa extended. The rest of our group was joining me a day later.

Vientiane: Reaching Vientiane in a shaky bus I immediately went to have my visa extended. That afternoon I yet again, met up with my crazy French friend Alexandre. He introduced me to another friend of his, Bill from the States. We were invited by a friendly local guy Alexandre met to a Lao barbecue, followed by an interesting experience of going to a local nightclub. At the time I was sharing a 3 room dorm with two girls who I also invited along. Dine, a friendly French Canadian girl, also accepted our offer and joined us for a fun evening out. The barbecue consisted of a dome shaped piece of metal with a curving lip that held broth. Inside the broth we could place noodles, herbs, veggies and eggs. The whole metal dome sat on top of a clay pot filled with red hot embers. Once we fried the meat it was time to fill our bowls with a combination of everything – delicious!

Following our dinner we got a taxi to a local nightclub where it was time for partying. The music was pretty good and as we’ve been drinking since early afternoon were dancing away with not a care in the world. We were all dressed in shorts, T-shirts and flip flops where the locals were dressed to impress. At one point I needed to go to the little boy’s room. I walked over to one of the urinals and was just about to start when I felt two strong hands on my shoulders. Thinking that someone was going to beat me up I froze on the spot when all of a sudden I felt the hands starting to massage my shoulders. Looking over my shoulder I spotted a man with a towel over his shoulder continuing massaging my shoulders as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It took a while for my stage fright to disappear and my inner valves to open. Later, while speaking to our Lao friend, he explained that it is a common thing in most night clubs. At least the guy didn’t offer a “happy ending”! After the night club we found a late night store selling alcohol and continued partying until very late, or very early whatever way you look at it.

The next day I had to say good bye to Dine, Alexandre and Bill and hello to again to Charlotte, Jeanette and Nate. We didn’t waste much time in Vientiane and decided to head to Tha Khaek for rock climbing. An overeager tuk tuk rider tried to load 4 of us with our entire luggage into his small tuk tuk. There was no way we were going to make it all the way to the bus station, especially as his front wheel lifted off the ground every heart stopping moment he either took off or rounded a sharp bend. Suddenly something snapped at which point our tuk tuk our driver finally admitted defeat and hailed another larger tuk tuk van where we were yet again sardined into the back with a bunch of amused locals. We all breathed a sigh of relief when we finally made it to the bus station!

Tha Khaek: Our main purpose of going to Tha Khaek was to go climbing at a much talked about place called Green Climbers Home, run by a friendly German couple called Uli and Tanja. Getting back on the rock was a nice escape from the hectic party atmosphere we experienced while in Vang Vienne. Our group consisted of four eager climbers: Charlotte, Jeanette, Nate and I. Green Climbers Home was everything and more of what I expected. The stilted wooden huts stood in a valley surrounded by high ragged limestone mountains with the large restaurant/kitchen/chilling out area in the middle. That was where we spent a lot of time either laying on comfy pillows or playing cards or darts while sipping a fresh fruit shake, coffee, cold beer or savoring a tasty dish prepared in their kitchen. It offered a warm atmosphere and was also a good spot for meeting fellow climbers, most of whom I found friendly and quick to smile – I just love the camaraderie of the climbing community.

We didn’t waste any time getting back on the rock which proved frustrating at first. After almost two months of not climbing properly, I found that I had lost a lot of strength and stamina, making even the easy routes difficult at times. I learnt a few funny words while there, one of them being “hang dogging” which is when you climb from clip to clip, resting at each: clip quick draw, clip rope, TAKE!, etc. I have to admit that I was doing quite a bit of that in the beginning to get back on my feet (or should I say rock). The other words were “tronsight” which is when you successfully complete a top rope onsight and “trash” which is a top rope flash. We had many good times climbing together and it was especially nice seeing Nate progress from a top rope novice to building up his courage and leading for the first time. Rock climbing is a tremendous mental game and it can take some people a long time to build their courage to finally lead for the first time.

Some people might mistake climbers for being high on mushrooms or other chemicals as many might have a euphoric expression on their faces while staring at the rock doing funny hand movements. When I started climbing I always wondered what the hell was wrong with these people but quickly came to learn that they were in fact mentally climbing a route and working out the moves. Outsiders might also ask the question: “why do these crazy people get up early in the morning only to come back in the evening with bruises and bleeding”? The answer is simple, because it is great!!! Rock climbing is challenging both physically and mentally and you are a part of the climbing community. We indulged ourselves in climbing and doing just that all day long while talking about climbing in the evening.

One day, Charlotte and Jeanette decided to go shopping in Tha Khaek. Their bike broke down twice although they did finally make it back with fresh fruit, coffee, plastic cups and a very random “do not touch boobs” sticker they happened upon while at a hardware (talking about tools) store. The sticker found its way on Charlottes blue cup (not bra) which provided much amusement during our still-waking-up-morning coffee sessions. Nate also amused us by telling us about how he used to “shoot the freak” on Coney Island east of New York. Apparently you get presented with a paintball gun, probably by an ex-army officer who takes his job very seriously. With a stern, maybe even slightly angry face he would say: “Shoot the freak! If you see the freak, shoot him! He’s a freak. SHOOT THE FREAK!” The freak apparently has a wardrobe consisting of something like a gas or gorilla mask, rubber strap-on penis, welding hat and who knows what else.

One day we were all pleasantly surprised to learn that Green Climbers Home were hosting their “official” opening ceremony. Monks blessed the place while party eager locals did the celebrating after. We were all invited to join which meant free food and drinks and as it was my rest day I was ready! When the monks finally came they were sat on a raised platform while we sat on the ground as a sign of respect. In front of them were laid out plates of food, non-alcoholic drinks and cigarettes. Soon, the monks started chanting which was mesmerizing. It sounded a little like funky Asian rap where different monks would join the chanting adding different rhythms and tones at various intervals, spicing up the tunes. Next up was the blessing of the premises where a monk walked around sprinkling water on the buildings using a sprig. While he was doing so the kneeling locals participated in tying white bracelets around people’s wrists, making a wish of good luck for their future, marriage or business. We had to keep the bracelets on for 3 days to insure good luck. It is a nice tradition and quite moving when a kind stranger approaches you wishing you good luck for the future.

After that it was time to party! There were tables full of food while “Tiger beer girls” with very short skirts kept our glassed filled with free beer – brilliant! It was the best rest day ever! Many of the climbers who had good intentions to climb that afternoon succumbed to the free beer and joined in with dancing and singing karaoke. At one point a group of local ladies performed a unique type of Lao line-dance which poor Tanja was dragged into, struggling to keep up with the rhythm. One of the organizers were gravely mistaken that the beer would see us through the whole night - he had obviously never met climbers before! When the locals eventually left we continued to party until late that night. At one point, various drunken revelers decided it made sense to do “table bouldering” which resulted in not only sore heads but also sore and bruised muscles the next day.

Many other fun and interesting things happened while at Green Climbers Home. First of all there were Fredrick and Patrick who were not only friendly guys, they end up becoming good friends of mine. They came to Tha Khaek to set up a high line – Fredrick doing the walking and Patrick doing the photography. I was amazed by the height and distance to which they set their high line up which proved a fait accompli. Then came the day when, as if destined, a guitarist, sound engineer and eager creative climbers decided to create a music video. Camilla was the brain behind the lyrics and chords while we got creative creating sounds with various climbing gear. While Camilla was singing we popped up in the background like inquisitive meerkats either clicking or shaking our quickdraws. The grand finale happened near the end when Uli rappelled down from the ceiling while holding a Green Climbers Home sign. It caused a lot of laughter and a fun video clip which can be viewed on YouTube: Learning to rock climb.

I had a lot of fun and many memorable days spent at Green Climbers Home. At the end of the day, it is the people who either make or break the trip. I was lucky to have made many new friends who I will miss very much. I will remember Jeanette for her sharp wit and cheeky smile, Nate for “shooting the freak” and for seeing the joy on his face after leading his first 6A. Then there were Mike who was built like a brick sh*t house and who climbed upside down putting monkeys to shame while his friend Lukas took amazing photographs (here is his website: Lukas Barth Photography). Llewis and Muriel, a friendly and enthusiastic couple from Spain, were great to have around. Nina I remember for her passion for climbing and screaming her way up a difficult crux. I will remember Camilla for her creative guitar playing and her boyfriend Andreas for the day we climbed a multi-pitch taking in the beautiful view from the top. Fredrick I will remember for enthusiastically participating in table bouldering with the agility of a hungry toilet gecko, while I will remember Patrick for his warm smile and for being kind, gentle and a great photographer. Last but not least, my much loved climbing buddy Charlotte. Her blue “no boob touching” cup amused a lot of people while her quick smile won many friendships.

Saying good bye to Charlotte, Fredrick, Patrick and Jeanette when we finally parted at the bus station was a very sad day for me. It was made more dramatic as I knew that there was a possibility that I might never see some of them again. It is not every day that one gets to meet a whole group of people who you would consider friends for life. I tried my best that day to hide my feelings but in truth, I was very sad. When my travels are over and I’ve settled, my door will be open to many great people I’ve met along the way and I truly hope that I will see their friendly faces again. My bus journey from Tha Khaek to Pakse was as long as my face.

My bus was stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey leaving no room for me to sit. I was forced to sit in the isle on a small plastic chair while our bus was as hot as an oven. Every now and then I had to move to allow people from the back to get off while the bus stopped often to allow more people on what I thought was an already overcrowded bus. No matter how full our bus was there was always space for one more. And a chicken of course! Next to me a woman tried to make conversation in her broken English. I showed her some of my travelling pictures to pass time after which she insisted I get off with her at a random stop way before we reached Pakse. I politely declined but was left wondering what her intentions were.

Pakse: Reaching Pakse we were inconveniently dropped off about 1km outside of town. It was an obvious scam where they tried to force us to pay inflated tourist prices to go back to town. I met a very friendly French cloth trader. He knew the same trick as me which was to shake our heads and walk away. That quickly got the price down to a standard price. I met up again with him the next day for a few beers while he told me interesting stories about Asian culture like saving face, demoralizing Thai soaps portraying shorter and darker Asians as lower class and the dealing of small Buddha amulets/necklaces which, even though a hoax, many people take very seriously. My main reason for stopping in Pakse was to travel the Bolevan Plateau by motorbike.

Bolevan Plateau motorbike trip: I wrote this as a separate blog. Here is the link: http://lerouxcraven.blogspot.com/2012/07/bolevan-plateau-motorbike-trip-report.html. After completing my 4 day trip I left for Don Det.

Si Phan Don/Don Det (4 Thousand Islands): I left Pakse the next day in a minivan heading to Don Det, more commonly known as Four Thousand Islands. I had heard so many good reviews from various travelers while touring SE Asia and I was excited to get there. We were dropped off on the mainland and had to get a longtail boat to transport us to Don Det where I found a cheap bamboo bungalow complete with hammock, mosquito net and fan. It was a good place to do nothing at all while watching the locals drive by on their boats from the safe vantage point of my hammock. Every now and then I participated in the strenuous activity of leaving my hammock to either go to the toilet or walk to a restaurant to eat. I could only do nothing for so long so decided to book a kayaking trip to see waterfalls and the endangered Irrawaddy dolphins. It proved to be a fun day and good value for money though because I burned up too many calories, I had to return to my hammock to recuperate!

The most memorable day I spent in Don Det was when I was invited to see a cock fighting event. Even though cock fighting is illegal in Laos, many people still participate as it means big bucks. Personally, I don’t agree with the sport but as the event was already set in concrete I decided to see it for myself. One of the participants asked me to drive him and his big cock to the arena. I drove his scooter while he was holding his agitated cock behind me. Reaching the arena I could see many other locals holding their cocks, sometimes even stroking each other’s cocks to judge the size and weight – making sure it was an even match. When the match finally started we were sitting on tiered wooden benches egging on the chickens inside. Every time a cock would strike a hard hit the locals would shout: “Whey!” which was most of the time. The atmosphere was electric and I couldn’t help but laugh at their antics.

Suddenly a clock sounded indicating a break. The cocks were collected and two guys who were all business washed the cocks removing any blood and dirt. A black cast iron plate sat atop a fire which was used to heat up a wet rag to rub down the cocks. Apparently it is on par with having a massage, relaxing the muscles and also sealing any cuts. While the guys were rubbing and washing the other guys cocks another fight took place. There was also a local cock doctor I dubbed Getafix (as in the Astrix cartoon books) who had what looked like magic potions. He mixed a few elixirs which was then fed to one of the cocks with a elongated spoon. It was an all day event and I saw a couple of drunken locals fall over due to over indulgence - I also had a few beers but nothing compared to the rest! I’ve always been under the impression that the cocks fight until the end but was relieved to see it wasn’t so. In reality, what happened was that at some point one of the roosters would admit defeat by slumping its shoulders and hanging its head. That was the point where the locals would cheer and indicate the winner. Even though my guy’s big cock had a massive repetitive hammering, it won its fight leaving him a much richer and happier man!

And so my Laos experience comes to an end. Again, I originally planned to only stay a month although that became 2 and a half! One thing I came to realize was that Laos can’t be rushed. The north was a gem offering unique hill tribe trekking and homestays while the south was a good place to chill. Tha Khaek was a good place to either do rock climbing or see the Buddha Cave, Water Cave or the impressive Kong Lo Cave. Out of all the countries in SE Asia, Laos was my favorite. Even though many people were poor, they always smiled and portrayed a friendliness which left me dumbstruck especially with so many hardships endured. Sometimes we as foreigners take what we’ve got for granted, complaining about mundane things while the hardy people of Laos lug around absurd weights on their back defying all western health and safety standards as an accepted everyday chore. I realized how much I had to be grateful for and love the Laos people all the more for offering their warm smiles and hospitability. To anyone visiting Laos, get off the beaten path and be prepared to fall in love with the wonderful country.