Thailand - Part 1

Thailand – Part 1:

Bangkok: ­I arrived in Bangkok not sure what to expect due to the flood warning at the time. The local news broadcasted that the river could burst its banks at any time and flood the whole city while travelers were advised to either stay away or evacuate. The flood warning became reality when I woke up the next morning after my red-eye from Vancouver to discover the street in front of my previous dry hotel ankle deep in water! I had no choice other than to wade through the filthy water to reach the touristy area of Khao San Road, which was at least dry. Carrying a large SLR camera around my neck was almost like displaying a large flashing luminous sign stating “Tourist! Get his money!” It wasn’t long before I got bombarded with a plethora of voices (amusing at first, but soon annoying): What your name? Where you from? How old are you? What your job? How much you make? Taxi, tuk-tuk, suit, bus ticket, pad thai, tattoo, etc, etc. Even so, I couldn’t help but being swept away with the high energy of the city while taking in the smells wafting from the food stalls and buying clothing from the cheap street stalls where bartering was always required!

At first I was not sure what to expect in terms of safety but I was pleasantly surprised that it didn’t take me long to let my guard down, compared to South America where I always found myself looking over my shoulder. I found the Thai people extremely friendly and I quickly fell in love with their country. My very short time in Bangkok was spent sightseeing, visiting temples or sipping a cold Chang while eating street food and watching the orange robed monks or pink taxis go by. Bangkok was indeed a cacophony of organized chaos blending with exotic smells. In my hotel room I found that I could bounce a coin on my rock hard bed, while also discovering that the random hose (aka bum gun) next to my toilet was meant for spray blasting your nether regions after using the toilet. This proved to sometimes be a little painful depending on water pressure.  Intriguing also was seeing all the song birds throughout the city in wooden cages. Apparently they sometimes get used for betting purposes. Thai locals would whistle to the birds egging them on to sing. The bird singing the loudest and prettiest would be the winner.

Walking through the streets I saw many men with eyeglasses inspecting what looked like gems. I never discovered what they were or how they were traded. It was just another of the many weird and wonderful things I experienced while taking in the scenery. Seeing all the golden temples I found myself wondering who would win a “bling” competition if ever held between a Catholic Church or a Thai temple. Very apparent in Thailand also was how much the people loved their king. It didn’t matter how remote I was while in Thailand, there was always a poster of the king on display!  Just as popular were the praying shrines found in caves, mountain passes, hiking trails and many other random places.  

My decision to leave Bangkok came when I went on a boat cruise down the flooded canals and seeing firsthand how the raging water strained against the sand bags. It was my second day in the city and the water in front of my hotel rose from ankle to knee deep! With the large presence of a nervous army I realized that things were looking bleak and time to move on. I joined the mass exodus of tourists fleeing the city by booking a bus that same evening leaving for dry weather on the islands to the south.

Koh Tao: I was herded into a very cramped night bus leaving from Khao San Road going south. I neither had much legroom nor sleep as the obese girl next to me snored and farted in her sleep. In Chumphon I waited for another 4 hours before finally boarding a ferry to Koh Tao. My first impression of the island was good: white sand with palm trees; hot sun; and turquoise waters on which bobbed either fishing  or iconic long boats decorated with colorful “flags” tied around the stern. It felt like I was entering paradise! I found a cheap room at a hotel called “Mr J”, a monk who fancied himself as a bit of a comedian. Only, he was the only person understanding his jokes posted on the walls or displayed on cards throughout his shop. Again, my bed was rock hard and I discovered that I also had a cold shower and a bucket flush toilet. 

Koh Tao is all about scuba diving, which was apparent due to all the dive shops throughout the island. As I’ve done my open water 1 and am more of a free diver I spent my time cruising the island on a scooter. The roads on the east side were fairly bad in certain sections. I was cursing and swearing having to push my scooter for 4km’s to have a tire fixed. I did realize that it could have been much worse while sitting at the mechanic shop eating a piece of roast chicken and watching a girl being lifted on a scooter, her leg all cut and bloody from a fall.   

One day, while sampling a snake fruit for the first time, I was told about the “High Bar” which I felt compelled to visit. It was called that for various reasons and could be a recipe for disasters. First of all, it was high up a very steep hill and had a large supply of various mind altering substances. I could only guess how many scooters and riders got wrecked after indulging in various chemicals at the bar and then attempting the steep ride back. I decided to stick to a few beers while sweating through a curry made extra spicy upon my request. Note to self: be careful to ask a Thai chef for extra spicy (pet maak) food! The next day I booked a boat cruise around the island which stopped at various spots for snorkelling.

 It didn’t take me long to turn the color of a boiled lobster after swimming with no sunscreen trying to get a base tan for the future. The snorkeling was fun and it was nice to see all the colorful tropical fish darting about. Unfortunately, the sea that day was rough and the large swell turned a few faces green. It was requested by a few that we go to the Nang Yuan Island where footing was more stable. While chilling out with a cold beer I befriended a honeymoon couple who was on the same boat as I. We decided to meet up for sunset beers after. Sunset on the Southern Thai islands were one of my favorite past times as it was the time when one could lie on a comfy pillow on the beach while sipping a cold beer and take photos of the beautiful sunset – life was good.

Koh Phangan: My boat from Koh Tao was accompanied with a chorus of retching people who wasn’t particularly partial to the large swell of the sea. Terra firma was a great relief from the sour aura in the cabin and I soon found myself booked into a seaside bungalow in a remote place called Silvery Sands. My stay there didn’t last long due to suspicious circumstances. I was invited to dinner with three Thai people: one an overly camp gay guy, his friend, and a single girl. Dinner was great although I started getting suspicious when the flirting started (from all three parties) fueled by a constant supply of vodka slammers. Using tiredness as an excuse I made my escape the next morning with my newly hired scooter to Coral Bungalows, home of the infamous pool parties.  

That evening I was contacted by the ‘honeymoon couple’ from Koh Tao for drinks. They were staying in a very posh and remote area of the island, but were very bored with their surroundings. I was happy enough to show them the drinking establishments around Haad Rin in which we participated with gusto. An alcohol induced hunger resulted in me lifting the two of them on the back of my scooter to a restaurant where eating and drinking resumed. As it was getting late in the evening taxi’s were getting scarce and, as their place was very remote, getting back could have been a problem. At the time I had a large room with single and double bed which I kindly offered for sharing in the case of no taxis. Unfortunately for me, as this would have made a great story, the honeymoon couple managed to find a taxi - I never got to gatecrash a honeymoon.

A girl I met at the Half Moon Party couldn’t have said it better: “This place is out of control!” Yes, it is true. Koh Phanang is a party island known for the full, half, black, quarter, new and no or any moon parties which attract sober (not for long) people from all over the world. These people then over indulge in alcohol and/or weed and/or mushroom shakes – many then obtaining either tattoos or injuries from falling off scooters or burns from the fire rope jump. I escaped the injuries and tattoos although not the buckets of alcohol which had me partying just like the rest. My intention of only staying for a few days turned into two weeks after meeting up with a nice group of friends. There are actually quite a few things to do while on the island if it is possible to tear yourself away from the sun lounger. While experiencing a few rare bursts of energy we took scooters up to the north side of the island for snorkeling and rope swinging at the Lake Hut. Other than that, most of the time we simply just lazed in the sun next to the swimming pool.

I stayed long enough on the island to experience both the half and full moon parties which, even though commercial, were lots of fun. These usually start with a few drinks before the time while listening to music and getting decorated with a multitude of neon graffiti. Then off to the beach armed with buckets of strong liquor to find a stage to dance on. It didn’t take me long to lose all of my friends, although that didn’t matter as so did everyone else. I find drunken people very entertaining and couldn’t help but laugh at the antics of many. People passed out on the sand while couples having sex in the sea were a common occurrence although I was stunned when a girl lifted her dress and peed, just like a man, in the urinal next to me - anything goes at the moon parties!

I will remember Koh Phangang for my almost daily luminous pink fruit shake made from pineapple, mango and purple dragon fruit. Also the revolving fly swatters used by the street vendors to keep the flies away and the crazy fire shows on the beach at night. Unfortunately, I also learnt that there was a darker side to Koh Phangang. During the moon parties the locals would break into cabins and steal wallets, passports and other valuable items. Bungalows at the same place where I was staying got broken into and I was lucky not to have had anything stolen. Then there was also the “scratch scam” which happened to a few people. The motorbike rental places would rent you a scooter and upon returning demand money for a “new scratch” even though it was an existing one. As they have your passport they can be very persistent and bully you for money. Some companies are even more proactive and will search for one of their scooters and damage it themselves. Yet again I was lucky and didn’t have a bad experience, although I was glad to finally leave the island to detox and rock climb in Ton Sai.     

Ton Sai: I met an Australian couple Steve and Amiee while taking the boat from Ao Nang to Ton Sai. Steve reminded me of a cartoon character with his jaw dropping all the way to the ground as he stared at the rock formations while entering Ton Sai bay. Being an extremely passionate rock climber he had an expression somewhere between having an orgasm and euphoria and I couldn’t help but laugh at him. We found cheap accommodation for 150 Baht at the Jungle Huts which had a double bed with mosquito net and your own toilet, with cold shower, bucket flush toilet and bum gun. I found it amusing that the climbers in Ton Sai were referred to as “white monkeys” as they shared the island with 3 other types. Even though rustic and sometimes downright dirty I quickly fell in love with Ton Sai. The climbing community was very laid back and quick to smile due to all the feel good endorphins built up from excessive rock climbing during the day. I also noted that people in Ton Sai wore very little clothing with board shorts only being the norm for guys. If I was a movie director looking for extras in a mid-evil war movie requiring guys with ripped muscles then Ton Sai would be my first place to look. Most climbers have abs that you can crack a coconut on!

Steve came to me the next day with an offer: I wanted to climb and he needed money. He would teach me how to climb for less than half of what the climbing companies charged, which was an offer I couldn't decline! I managed to buy a pair of climbing shoes from one of the old timers, Bob, and soon was standing next to Steve learning all about the various knots, safety, gear, climbing techniques and terminologies. I couldn't have asked for a better teacher as Steve was very knowledgeable, patient and most of all very passionate about what he did - it was a pleasure climbing with him! It’s not always easy to exercise while travelling and I was very unfit while grunting and sweating my way up the slippery rock. As a beginner climber I used my arms too much and by the end I was shaking with fatigue, although loving every minute and even managed to climb a 6A+ on my very first day! I was hooked. Steve, thanks for all your help and support! Maybe he was a deity, as he looked just like Jesus with his long hair and having the biggest appetite I've ever seen! Back in the day he would have eaten the two fish and five loafs of bread all by himself.

It was easy to make friends in Ton Sai. I bombarded the experienced ones with questions regarding rock climbing which they were happy to answer. In general I found the climbing community very friendly, down to earth and extremely helpful, and one I wanted to be a part of. During the evenings and our days off we could either relax at one of the bars or eat at one of the many restaurants. My favorite was Chicken Mamas who served curries like Massaman, Red, Green, Coconut and Paneng or other Thai favorites like Pad Thai or fried rice. Also very tasty were the fruit shakes and coffee from “Lek” at the Chillout Coffee Bar who crushed his coffee beans in a mortar and pestle! Some days I spent doing absolutely nothing at all while swaying in a hammock or reading a book, every now and then looking up to admire the beautiful lime scale rock formations towering above me.

All too soon terms like take, on-belay, off-belay, secure, take tight, slack, pinchers, crimps, cracks, finger pockets, jugs, stemming, under-cling, side pulls, multi-pitch, rope drag, quick draws, slings, ATC etc. became familiar as I sweated my way up mountains not meant for humans. One day I also joined a group of friends Deep Water Soloing. This involved free climbing up a vertical rock face jutting out from the sea and simply falling in the water if we made a mistake. It was great fun and also a very long way down to jump when reaching the top! There was also time to snorkel and then watch the sunset and large fox bats flying over the island. All and all a great day out! There were also a few random things in Ton Sai like a pet goat, a pet monkey and a small stall with large wooden penises selling booze. Entering shops or bars you had to kick off your shoes while joints or mushroom shakes could be bought over the bar counter. I loved Ton Sai! It was super laid back with good food, cold beer, hot weather and most of all, friendly people. No wonder I picked Ton Sai as my number 1 favorite place in Thailand. I had a feeling that I might just go back at some point.

Kho Phi Phi: I knew Phi Phi was going to be fairly touristy so decided to stay for only one night. The boat ride from Ton Sai to Phi Phi was nice while lying on the deck sunbathing and watching the small islands go by. After staying in Ton Sai for such a long time I found it strange seeing people actually wearing shirts, as in Ton Sai pretty much all the guys wear board shorts only. Phi Phi was indeed a beautiful island, although it just had too many people and shops selling junk. I hiked up to the viewpoint to watch the sunset and from there walked the main beach to watch one of the many fire shows. The next day I took off again for Phukhet.  

Phukhet: I only stayed in Phukhet because of a flight to Chang Mai and absolutely hated the place. Every 10 meters I was physically stopped by women screeching “maaasssaaagggeee!” even though politely declining. Then came the prostitutes and street vendors, many very aggressive in trying to sell you stuff (or services) and not taking “no thank you” for an answer. Walking down the main beach and seeing the foreign “clientele” made me realize why Patong was such a dump. It is demand. No thanks, not for me – I couldn’t wait to leave...